A Way To Move On From Your Traumas

A Way To Move On From Your Traumas

Can you really grow through your traumas? Free yourself? And move on?

Yes, it is not only possible but you can do this without feeling overwhelmed and helpless. 

One small step at a time, with consistency and dedication. That’s how Mia did it. And so can you.

“I had been depressed for quite a long time. I had quite intense CPTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder) responses. I had a lot of anxiety and lacked daily basic self-care like cooking and eating. My executive function was really slow and bad at the time. So these symptoms were stopping me from living a full life and from concentrating on relationships that I wanted to achieve,” recalls Mia.

We all experience traumas, so you are not the only one.

It is part of being human. While traumas come in different forms, they all happen for the same reason — due to the emotional stress that overwhelms our ability to cope.

Now, how long you want to live with those traumas is a matter of choice. Today, we have access to techniques and support systems that can help us heal and grow. It doesn’t have to be an extremely painful and monumental undertaking.

In fact, quite the opposite: you can do it one small step at a time.

“Yes, it is possible to one day wake up and feel that you are in a healthy environment, surrounded by people who genuinely care about you,” exclaims Mia.

A few months later, after learning about emotional mastery and applying certain techniques, Mia feels a total shift: “I had a lot of stress because of all these physical symptoms that were quite overwhelming at the time before learning to master my emotions. I was overwhelmed, lost, just going with the flow of emotions, and not really being in control. And now I notice that I have routines, self-discipline, self-love, and I am much happier.”

So, how did this all happen in such a short period of time?


Well, turns out, there is a way to do this. 

 

The Emotional First Aid, Emotional Regulation, Emotional Pressure Release, and Pattern Breaking are some powerful techniques taught in the Emotional Mastery Program to help process, release and grow through traumas. These techniques were formed and tested over many years of research, training, and application. They are derived from physiology, neurology, psychology, and psychotherapy.

The beauty of these techniques comes from their simplicity and effectiveness. They use both our analytical and emotional intelligence in a balanced, integrated approach with the help of symbology, making it easy for us to apply and feel the effects immediately. We can feel the changes happening real-time.

“With just small shifts of change in your own thinking about yourself and about your situation, things will change,” Mia points out, “It’s not going to be easy…and the only thing you need is dedication, time, and resilience that you don’t give up.”

Jenny Hale, the founder of the Jenny Hale Authentic Living who also leads the Emotional Mastery Program describes it like this: “Imagine the feeling of having to submerge a bunch of balloons underwater. That is a lot of energy needed to keep them there. Then slowly you let them go one by one. And one day you find out that you have released all those balloons. Now, how much energy is spent on holding them down? None, because there are no balloons left. That is how trauma release works too. One by one, one small step at a time. And yes, the day will come when you will feel amazing. Just keep on with the practice. ”

“It’s all about getting the proper emotional support to resolve that emotional stress and allowing it to leave the system. We can do that at any time. If it didn’t happen immediately after the traumatic event, we can do it now with the skills that we’re developing in the Emotional Mastery Program,” says Jenny.


In conclusion, the first thing to understand is that traumatic events don’t have to be long-lasting. They can be processed, released, healed, and further used for personal growth. 

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All this can be done one small step at a time, in manageable sizes. One simple technique at a time. Those traumas that seems large at first, get released in small bit and pieces like a balloon flying away into the sky. And one day, just like Mia and many others, you will feel that your life has changed. You have changed. The people and the environment around you have changed.

Soon enough, you will wake up one day and realize that your traumas have transformed into strength and power.

 

Are you ready to take your first small step?

Yes, You Can Find Your Way Through Emotional Overwhelm

Yes, You Can Find Your Way Through Emotional Overwhelm

Are you feeling overwhelmed by your life situation? The pandemic, relationship, work, or something you feel you have no control over?

Well, there is hope — because there are solutions.

Whatever the reason, there is a way to navigate this path of overwhelm and intense emotions. There are tools and methods you can use that can be customized to your specific situation and needs.

This was the story of Bianca Torres, who faced a whole new tide of unwanted emotions during the pandemic and the lockdowns. This situation provided her the opportunity to learn effective techniques to grow out of her emotional turmoil.

So what are these techniques? Why are they important and what makes them effective?

“One of the techniques I really enjoyed is the Emotional Pressure Release. I used it this morning actually and it has helped me free up some space that has been kind of built-up layers and layers over the years,” Bianca points out.

So yes, there are proper techniques designed for specific emotional situations.

The Emotional Pressure Release that Bianca talks about is a technique used to gradually reduce the amount of pressure in our emotional system. There are various other techniques that can be picked depending on the person and the situation to counterbalance the emotional pressure.

So what is emotional pressure? 

Jenny Hale, the founder of the Jenny Hale Authentic Living who also leads the Emotional Mastery Program describes emotional pressure as being like a pressure cooker or a boiler —  something that is holding in an ever-increasing amount of pressure: “We’re in this situation with all of this pressure, we need a way to, little by little, release that pressure by processing, and by allowing ourselves to move through the backlog of emotional material in manageable bite-sized pieces.”

“The Emotional Pressure Release practice is designed to do that. The idea of this practice is that you just spend a few minutes doing it every day (or every other day) and gradually, over time, the total pressure in your system will slowly but steadily move downwards. The result is that you’re less likely to have an overreaction to something that happens in the present moment,” says Jenny.

The Emotional Pressure Release is one of the many powerful techniques taught in the Emotional Mastery Program. Like the Emotional Pressure Release, there are other powerful techniques like the Emotional First Aid, Emotional Regulation, Pattern Breaking, Pattern Release, and many more, taught in the program.

All of these techniques have been formed and tested over many years of research, training, and application. They are derived from physiology, neurology, psychology, and psychotherapy.

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“I learned some very useful techniques that I could hold space for these emotions to allow them to happen, and also regulate my nervous system,” says Bianca, who is now a graduate of the Emotional Mastery Program. She has learned the tools, techniques, and practices to grow through her emotional challenges.

The best things can happen at the worst times. Emotional growth during tough times is one of them. Did it ever occur to you that the challenge you are facing now is opening the door to an enormous opportunity for your emotional growth?

“I’m very grateful to Jenny for creating this work and also for the coaches that helped me throughout the weeks that I did this training with one-on-one coachings and weekly calls so thank you very much team for providing this training,” recalls Bianca.

From identifying your emotions to learning the techniques for emotional release, there is a deep sense of freedom and growth in being able to master our emotions and help those around us.

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What techniques can you identify in your own life that you use to grow through emotionally challenging situations? Are you willing to learn more and apply them to your own life?

Growing Out of Codependency

Growing Out of Codependency

Are you feeling helpless in your relationship? Do you feel dependent on others and constantly seek their approval that you have lost confidence and trust in yourself? And life feels like a journey where you give a lot but receive little in return?

This was the story for VijayaSree before she joined the Emotional Mastery Program. 

She was struggling with codependency. Understanding how relationships work and creating healthy ones was a breakthrough for her. Now she has not only transformed her life and her relationships, but she is also able to help others navigate their way in similar situations.

Let’s take a closer look at codependency and the tools we can use to grow out of it.

Codependency

Codependency is excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner. The signs of this behavior include difficulty communicating and making decisions in relationships, difficulty in identifying one’s own feelings, and having poor self-esteem from lack of trust in oneself while constantly seeking approval from others.

We all experience some form of codependency in different phases of our lives. Rather than judging this as good or bad, it is better to understand how relationships work and what tools we can use to reframe and develop healthy connections.

Understanding Relationships

Relationships are key to our well-being. When we understand how they work we are able to intentionally choose and grow them. When we don’t understand how relationships happen, how they function, and how they develop, we can easily fall into a state of trance.

Then we feel powerless, victimized, and helpless. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

“I had been in toxic relationships for quite a while and it was hard for me to really get out of that pattern. There were dynamics that I could not understand. I was repeating the same mistakes again and again,” recalls VijayaShree.

Through the Emotional Mastery Program, she learned how relationships are created and how to set healthy changes in motion, allowing her to break free from destructive partnerships and develop healthy ones.

We all function differently because we have diverse mindsets, experiences, needs, and priorities. Understanding this is vital in all relationships.

“We have different versions of reality playing in our heads. Understanding this has allowed me to develop compassion towards myself, others, and all of humanity,” says VijayaSree.

She now sees reality and relationships beyond right and wrong. Making sure we are respectful of one another because we have different ways of functioning is more important to her. This awareness has allowed her to cultivate better relationships.

Once we have this understanding, we can be intentional about our relationships and set boundaries accordingly.

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Being Intentional & Setting Boundaries

Intentions direct us while boundaries safeguard us in our path of developing healthy relationships. Without intentions and boundaries, we can feel lost and powerless. 

VijayaSree learned that having clear intentions and setting boundaries were crucial in balancing the acts of giving and receiving in her relationships. “This has been a game-changer,” she says. 

“I would give everything to the other person and think I deserve very little. And this completely changed when I understood that this was just a misconception that I had about me based on life experiences when growing up,” she adds.

With clear intentions and safe boundaries, she now feels she has earned the love and respect she wants while also being able to give. 

“Before doing the Emotional Mastery course, I had a huge lack of self-esteem. I didn’t know how to respect myself. Therefore, I didn’t know how to be respected by others, and I didn’t know how to breed safe relationships.”

“And that really changed everything about how I see myself, how I feel about myself, how much I love myself now…how much I care for my own emotions and my own needs while being respected by others because I am very clear and concise about what I need, how I may need it, and to accept it as well, which was also a challenge,” she reflects.

When we understand how relationships work, become intentional, and set boundaries, we can further expand our own gift of understanding, love, and compassion to our families, communities, and beyond. 

Moving Forward

When we pull ourselves out of codependency, we experience a more compassionate and richer reality. Else, we end up living in a blurry reality where we don’t understand how relationships work and don’t have the tools to change them. 

When we understand relationships and use the right tools, our relationships blossom, and we experience growth in both giving and receiving. 

Two years after taking the Emotional Mastery Program, VijayaSree now feels a complete transformation in herself and her relationships. 

Previously she felt like she gave a lot but did not know how to ask and receive. Asking for anything would hurt her self-esteem. She felt she deserve little.

This course helped her see the misconceptions she had formed based on her past experiences. Now she is no longer tied to her past. She is now clear and concise about her needs, able to set healthy boundaries, and expresses them.

These tools and techniques have helped her develop meaningful relationships and self-esteem. In addition, she is also able to offer a helping hand to those in need.

“I am able to feel the healthy changes happening to myself and also able to help others,” she says.  

Intense Emotions

Intense Emotions

worry-133021We are emotional beings – like it or not, our actions, decisions, and the quality of our lives are determined by how we deal with emotional information.

Unfortunately, most of us were not taught any skills for working with emotions, and for many of us, our parents didn’t provide much useful guidance as role models.

For many of us, intense emotion is a distressing and overwhelming experience.

Other people say things like “you’re too sensitive”, “you’re taking this too personally”, and “just calm down, it’s not such a big deal …”

None of this advice helps at all!

Sudden Impact

We often don’t get much warning that an emotional storm is on the way.

Something happens, and before we can even take a full breath, the emotion hits like a tidal wave.

It’s hard to think.

It’s hard to breathe.

And it’s not something that will respond to an instruction like “just calm down”!

Immediate Action

When we are in the grips of a strong emotion, whether it is anger, fear, or shame, our nervous system is in overdrive. We are flooded with adrenaline, and “non-essential functions” – like thinking, self-awareness, and decision-making – are simply shut down.

In this state, we can’t use all the helpful tools for long-term development of emotional intelligence.

At this point, we are having the emotional equivalent of a heart attack, and we need the emotional equivalent of first aid.

Fortunately, in recent years science has devoted serious attention to the workings of our nervous system, and has discovered that there are a number of actions you can take to instantly interrupt an emotional storm and “reset” your nervous system to a more comfortable and healthy level of activity.

To learn more about these techniques, get our online course Emotional First Aid – it’s FREE if you use this link.

The Permanent Solution

Of course, first aid can only address the symptom, not the cause of your intense emotions.

In our Members Area, we have a wide variety of resources to support you in learning new ways to balance your nervous system and process emotions, as an individual, and in relationships.

Access the Members Area here – it’s FREE!

There are a number of reasons why you may feel emotions more intensely than others:

grief-897817Neurobiology

Having a non-neurotypical brain can make you more sensitive to strong emotions. People on the autism spectrum can to be highly sensitive to all sensory input, including the sensations associated with emotions. People with ADD and bipolar disorder can have Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria, which makes the emotions associated with rejection much more intense and painful than they are for a neurotypical person.

About 20% of the population can be categorised as “highly sensitive”, which means that they are much more aware of emotions, both their own emotions, and the emotions of the people around them.

In some cases, medication can reduce the impact of neurobological causes of intense emotions. Before resorting to medication, however, it is important to rule out other possible causes of intense emotion.

man-angry-painSuppressed Emotions

When we are prevented from expressing certain emotions, we “stuff” them down somewhere and carry on. But the emotion doesn’t go away, even if we are no longer consciously aware of its presence. The emotion will lie dormant until a situation happens which given it an opportunity to be expressed.

This is the most common cause of the emotional explosions that other people refer to as “over-reacting”. The emotional response is much stronger than would be normal in that situation, because you are bringing emotion from past situations into the present situation.

This often happens with anger, where a relatively small event can trigger a huge amount of anger. This is sometimes referred to by English-speakers as “the straw that broke the camel’s back”. One straw is small and easy to carry, but if you are already carrying a full load, one more straw can break your self-control and spill the whole load on the ground at once.

attachmentAttachment Style

Only a minority of the population in the West have a “secure” attachment style. Securely attached people are happy to be with their loved ones, and also happy to spend time alone. They have no problem connecting deeply with others, and no problem disconnecting when it is time to separate.

Some people have an “anxious” attachment style. This provokes extreme fear at the thought or the reality of being separated from a loved one, and an intensely painful loneliness.

Others have an “avoidant” attachment style. They keep themselves emotionally separate from their loved ones, and find it difficult to let down their guard. If they are pressed by an anxious and emotional partner, they may explode in rage as a way to protect themselves from “invasion”.

A small group have “disorganised” attachment, which means that they don’t have one consistent style of attachment. They alternate between anxious and avoidant strategies, and suffer the negative consequences of both.

At first, it was believed that attachment style was set in early childhood and would never change, but recent research into neuroplasticity has shown that we can write a new ending to our attachment story at any point in our lives.

Resources and support for dealing with attachment styles and trauma can be found in our Premium Members Area.

Traumatic Events

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can produce intense emotions without warning. Healing from PTSD requires rewiring the brain and nervous system – it is very unlikely to happen spontaneously.

Resources and support for dealing with trauma can be found in our Premium Members Area.

girl sad angryChildhood Developmental Trauma

When parents are unable to meet the needs of a child, particularly their emotional needs, the normal development of emotional maturity is disturbed. People whose parents were kindly but emotionally neglectful can find themselves stuck at earlier emotional developmental stages, even into adulthood.

When parents were mentally ill, alcoholics or addicts, or suffering from PTSD themselves, the developmental disturbance can reach the level of trauma. In this case, it is called Complex PTSD, because there is not one specific traumatic incident to resolve. Instead, there is a lifetime of loneliness, emotional abandonment, shaming, and microaggressions, many of which you may never remember. 

Symptoms of childhood development trauma may be misdiagnosed as bipolar disorder, ADD, borderline personality disorder, social anxiety, generalised anxiety disorder, and clinical depression. Treating trauma with medication may suppress some or all of the symptoms, but it will not provide relief, healing, and a return to normal functioning.

Some people may need medication to support them while doing the deeper work to relieve their underlying trauma. If your health professional is only familiar with a medication approach, it is wise to also seek a second opinion from a health professional with experience dealing with complex PTSD.

Burnout and Physical Depletion

The energy we have available for keeping ourselves balanced varies with time and circumstances. We may be completely fine in the mornings, and fall apart easily in the evening. We may be cheerful and upbeat in summer, and gloomy and pessimistic all winter.

Our physical wellbeing plays an important role in our emotional wellbeing. Lack of sleep, poor nutrition, stress, lack of exercise, and lack of “downtime” – opportunities to do very little, or to do something we enjoy – can all reduce our emotional resilience, and make overwhelming emotional storms more likely.

For those who are managing PTSD, bipolar, and other disorders affecting mood, taking care of basic physical and psychological needs is a vital piece of the puzzle.

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After Separation

After Separation

The end of a long-term relationship is never easy. Immediately after separation, there are both practical and emotional challenges to navigate. No matter how clear it is that you need to part ways, separation is always a deep emotional process. Sometimes we have completed several stages of the grieving process before the official moment of separation, and sometimes events take us by surprise. Either way, the grieving process is unavoidable.

grief after separation

All of us grieve, even for the most painful and dysfunctional relationships. We may be grieving the relationship we thought we had, or the relationship we deserved and didn’t get. We might grieve the relationship we hoped for, rather than a relationship we actually experienced, but we grieve, just the same.

It can be tempting to bypass grief and jump right into a new relationship. The intoxicating chemicals of being “in love” make us forget about our previous partner. The new person has none of the infuriating issues that the previous partner had. There are many risks in this approach, which we explore in our “Real or Rebound?” series, available in the members area.

Some people avoid a rebound relationship by diving into a busy whirl of dating and casual sex. Sexual exploration is very healthy after ending a long-term relationship, but compulsive or addictive behaviour is not so healthy. You might be at risk of sex or love addiction if you find yourself seeking sex or love as an escape from unpleasant emotions, or if you can’t imagine life without it.

The more you can allow the grieving process to move through you, fully and cleanly, the faster you will be ready to embark on your next genuine, deep relationship.

Stages of Grief After Separation

Denial – when it doesn’t seem real

Anger – at anything and everything

Guilt/Bargaining – going over everything obsessively, trying to figure out what you could have done differently in your mind

Sadness – this may be associated with remembering good things that have been lost, or hopes which never manifested, or it may have no particular object

Acceptance – starting to appreciate the new life which is taking shape

Check out this post on grief for more guidance.

Rebuilding Confidence After Separation or Divorce

We don’t like to think about what comes next. “Getting back out there” can be a daunting prospect. Dating was stressful, painful, and exhausting enough when we were teenagers. The idea of putting ourselves through that again, with everything else we have to deal with …

Confidence often takes a beating as a relationship breaks down. Whatever the circumstances of the break-up, we tend to focus on the ways in which we have personally failed. If our ex was abusive or irrational, we can also become focused on the reasons not to trust anyone else ever again.

Crisis – Both Danger and Opportunity

changing after separation

Times of big life changes can be a blessing in disguise. When everything is up in the air, when we are changing living arrangements, working arrangements, childcare arrangements, and everything else – these are the times when it is easiest to also change ourselves.

Should you choose to, you can make this separation a “watershed moment” in your life. Looking back in a few years’ time, you could pinpoint this time as the turning point. This could be the moment when you stopped being a victim of circumstances and truly claimed your life as your own.

What will it take?

Taking back your life begins with knowing who you really are. Once you are connected with your authentic self, you have all the guidance and personal power you need to make the right changes.

Over the years, I have watched hundreds of people take back their lives. Some move swiftly and dramatically, while others make subtle adjustments that are barely visible to outsiders. All of them report feeling more freedom, power, and fulfilment.

Grief

Grief

Grief is a normal part of human psychology. You wouldn’t know that from watching how grieving people are treated, though. There is a growing trend to consider grief a pathology, and to treat it as though it was a mental illness, or a personal weakness.

Had a death in the family? You might get a day off work to go to the funeral. They might even let you take sick leave for a few days, or a week. Beyond that, though, you are expected to show up and be productive, as though nothing happened. 

Anything else that might cause grief – the end of a relationship, death of a pet, loss of a home, and so on – you don’t even get one day off work to process your grief. (Of course, there are caring and empathetic employers out there, who don’t follow these norms, but we are looking at the culture overall, on average.) 

Friends aren’t much better, often. They bring casseroles for the first few days, come to the funeral and say the right things, and then they expect you to get on with life as normal within a week or two. If it’s the end of a relationship, or the loss of a home, they might even start immediately with bypassing comments like “look on the bright side, now you can find something better …” 

When it comes to grief, we are expected to manage it in our own time, and mostly on our own. 

Remember that there is no statute of limitations on grief. You are entitled to grieve in your own way, in your time, for as long as you need. 

What is grief? 

grief

Grief is a set of emotional responses which happens whenever we are required to let go of a future we have invested emotional energy into. The more emotional energy we have invested in a future, the stronger the emotions of grief will be as we reshape our emotional landscape to erase that future. 

We invest emotional energy into a future by imagining it, making plans, or just unconsciously expecting it to happen. As an extreme example, we might hate and fear an abusive parent, and be planning to escape from home as soon as possible. At the same time, we unconsciously expect that parent to be there every morning when we wake up. If that parent dies, we might be relieved that the abuse is over, but we will still experience grief because of our deep, unconscious expectation that our parents will be around forever. 

The emotions which arise when we are grieving can be confusing, because they can appear contradictory. 

It is important to remember that the emotions of grief are markers for our process of letting go of a future, and they don’t need to match up to anything real that is happening how, or that happened in the past. The emotions of grief are “free floating” – they don’t need a particular object. In fact, the grieving process goes faster when we actively prevent the free-floating emotions from latching on to any person or event. 

Stages of Grief

While grief is described as having “stages”, we don’t pass neatly from one stage to the next. We switch around between 2-4 stages at any point in time. The proportions change over time. The early stages are a bigger percentage at first, and the later stages come to be the biggest proportion as time passes.

Denial

The denial phase comes first, and generally passes within a few days. In this phase, we simply forget that the loss has happened. We repeatedly remember, with the same force of shock as when we first heard the news.

The denial phase can be extended indefinitely if the loss isn’t due to death. We can remain in denial about a relationship break-up for much longer than a few days. While we hold the belief that our lost future may still happen, we maintain that future as an object in our emotional landscape, and the grieving process slows down. It may even stall completely.

anger

Anger

Free-floating anger is a significant element of the early stages of grief. When someone has died, particularly if they did nothing to cause their own death, it can be disturbing to find ourselves being angry at them for dying. This is completely normal, and it will pass.

When a relationship has ended, it is easy to attach the anger to our ex, and make lists in our mind of the ways in which they wronged us. While this is a seductive process, it is not a healthy way to grieve. The anger will move through much faster if it remains free-floating, without any particular object. In truth, we are angry that our anticipated future has been taken from us, and it really doesn’t matter how that future was taken.

Guilt/Bargaining

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross described the grieving process which takes place when a person is told they have a terminal illness. She described a stage she called “bargaining”, where people construct “deals with God”. If I become vegan, my cancer will go away. If I forgive all my enemies, I will be cured.

When someone has died, we can’t bargain with God in quite the same way. This stage manifests as obsessively going over the past in our mind, over and over. On some level, we are hoping that we can find a way to make it turn out differently. Of course, we can’t.

However, if we happen to find something specific we did, or didn’t do, we can attach this emotion to that memory. Again, as with anger, it is much more healthy to allow the guilt/bargaining energy to remain free-floating. Punishing ourselves emotionally for doing or not doing something gives us the illusion of having control over the loss. These illusions are temporarily comforting, but they keep us trapped in unresolved grief.

denial

Sadness

When we think of grief, it is the sadness we most easily understand. The sadness can last for a long time. It will appear from moments in the early stages, amongst the more intense denial, anger and guilt. As time goes by, if we don’t attach the more intense emotions to anything, sadness will become the dominant emotion.

Sadness can manifest “out of nowhere”, when we have been moving through acceptance for quite some time. This is normal. Reminders such as birthdays, holidays, and objects with personal significance can trigger sadness, even decades later.

Acceptance

Acceptance is the emotion which manifests when we have reclaimed enough emotional energy from the lost future to start creating something new.

Even after we have felt acceptance, we will still cycle back through the other stages. Over time, we will spend a greater and greater proportion of our time in acceptance.

Grieving a Relationship

When we have ended a relationship, we will be required to carry on living as normal while we grieve. We may be pressured to throw out mementos, start dating again, or make other radical changes.

It is very important to give yourself time and permission to grieve fully before starting to move forward. In the chaotic emotions of grief, we may not make the best decisions for our long-term future.

That’s not to say you should be a hermit for a year or two. By all means have a rich social life, including dating and romance if it feels right for you. Just be prepared to excuse yourself if you find yourself doing things that aren’t yet comfortable for you.

Often, in the course of a relationship or a break-up, we lose touch with our true self. Some people are completely out of touch with their true self from childhood, and rely on partners to give them direction and certainty. Others have a good connection to their true self, but find it is disrupted by stress, conflict, too many compromises, or betrayals.

true self

What next?

Whatever else happens after the end of a relationship, it is essential that you re-establish your connection with your true self. This is your “inner wisdom”, the guide which will help you navigate the next stage of your life. The relationship or the break-up may have disrupted that connection, and you will need it for the next stage of your journey.

If you are someone who has always struggled to “find yourself” or to “go within”, times of grief are a golden opportunity. When everything is thrown into chaos, you have an opportunity to rewire your brain in new ways. Rather than going back to coping strategies from earlier in life, you can find your core – your inner strength – and create a new life which suits you much better than anything you have experienced in the past.