Special Investigations

Some aspects of relationships are obscure, little-known, or widely misunderstood. When we bring light and clarity to these areas, it makes relationships simpler, less stressful, and more fulfilling. Each instalment of the Special Investigation series takes a deep dive into one of these aspects.

A Special Investigation is more than just an academic exercise – each Special investigation includes additional material designed to help you apply your new understanding in real life. Principles, case studies, exercises, and recommendations for further exploration of specific challenges make each Special Investigation a life-changing interactive experience.

If you want to direct your own journey of growth and discovery, with step-by-step guidance along the way, then the Special Investigation series is for you!

Yours, Mine and Ours: Separating Individual Issues From Relationship Conflict (and Resolving Both)


Arguments, misunderstandings, and long-term resentment are often caused by confusing individual issues with relationship conflict. 

When we blame another person for the unpleasant emotions that arise because of our childhood patterns, past traumas, and emotional wounds, it is confusing and hurtful for the people we love. They may respond with anger, or fear, or a gradual loss of trust and security in the relationship.

When we blame ourselves for emotions that are caused by genuine relationship issues – broken agreements, poor communication, and unmet needs, for example – we will find ourselves stressed, irritable, or even depressed.

Learning to identify individual issues – our own and those of the people around us – is a vital skill for healthy, thriving, fulfilling long term relationships.


Lasting Passion: Why Tips and Techniques Don’t Work (and What Really Does)

Is it really true that desire inevitably fades in long term relationships? Science says “no”!

One of the most heartbreaking things I see when working with couples is the situation where one or both partners believe “that time in our relationship is over”. Time and again, I see people yearning for the connection, the passion, the joy and aliveness that comes with a passionate romantic relationship.

I have even seen people leave a relationship with someone they love very deeply, because of the false belief that “if I don’t feel attraction , it means I am just not in love with them any more”.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

For people who feel trapped, lost, and desperate in a sexless or low-sex relationship, I am here to tell you that there is definitely hope. If there was attraction between you at the start of the relationship, then you have a basic biological compatibility, and that attraction can always be restored.

A lot of advice about this is grounded in false assumptions about sexual desire, and following that advice can make things worse, not better!

In this Special Investigation, we examine the “common wisdom” about rekindling desire, where it goes wrong, and the surprising truth about what is possible in a long-term relationship.

Have your say! Which Special Investigation should we produce next?

  1. You’re Not Broken: A guide to how childhood experiences shape our developing mind toward stress and suffering, and how to rewire it for peace and joy
  2. Get Your Parents Out Of Your Sex Life: Why childhood patterns show up in romantic relationships, and how to set yourself free
  3. Lovers For Life: How To Clear Past Issues And Create The Relationship Of Your Dreams

None of these take your fancy? Suggest another, and we will add it to the list …